Parenting a Teenager

When my babies were below 10 years old, definitely I cannot imagine life without them. Living away from them is unthinkable. Yes, I did refuse to go on business trip. That time, I cannot imagine how my own parents can let me go to study abroad. Or to get married.

But lo and behold... nature is indeed a beautiful and powerful process.

After 10 years old, came the rebellious ‘tude. Gone were the adoring eyes, gone were the blind trust and believe that parents were superheroes. THEN I can understand how parents round the world can let the children fly out of their nest.

Below are what have helped me to go through with my dear daughter. By the time she reached 14 we’re pretty much besties again. I am thankful to pass through the transition with a happy ending, maybe somewhat relatively fast. 

1. Parents should accept that a child is another human being, with own character, own thinking, own strength and weakness. Be the adult and help them to shape all into place, such that they can have a purpose in life. Shaping them after your own image of success is a recipe for disaster.

2. Punish or tell off the action, but never the person. In fact this goes with general population. Even the best people on earth do make mistake from time to time. Mistake is one way to learn.

3. Biologically they are confused. Help them recognise when it’s the hormone speaking. And then ways to control it. Example, told my daughter when it’s time of the month and she feels being in a lousy mood, better reduce interaction with others. Do other things on her own for a while. How to approach this is unique for every individual. Need to look for the best way.

4. Tell teens your problem. Work problem, house problem, friends problem, world news... This will help them to realize that problems are part of life. When they think they have problems, it’s normal. And by sharing, we’re sharing our frame of thoughts, the many facets of consideration, and how it arrives at the solution. Even better, share your bad solution. To share that making mistake is human will help them accept vulnerability to become less defensive about everything (sounds familiar, folks?)

5. Let them have a say in the house. We’re dealing with kittens that think they’re tigers. Having a say in how they live, will channel some of the power crave. Especially for boys, I observe. Those alpha male ego yearning to be released.

Can’t say I have perfected it. In fact, still struggle with No 2. If I come through intact I’ll write whether there’s a difference in parenting teen-girl and teen-boy.

Oh yeah, bonus tip: never criticise your teens’ friends! In this stage, friends are number one priority. Just watch out, sit tight, and listen. It’s better to listen to horror stories rather than being judgmental and knowing no story.