When Failing is Good

I am very normal. Average look, average height (for Asian), average income, ... However, because of my tiger Mom, I worked hard in school. Up to a point I’m very scared to fail. This has also caused my fear to try new things and to shake the current equilibrium. Likewise fear of conflict.

Realising the negative impact of my ‘safe’ upbringing, I try to do different for my kids. My golden rule for them are they’ll get scolding for repeat mistake but not for the first time. As they grow, I have slowly released the control. Provide suggestion rather than direction in non life-and-death matter. Includes academic.

Why so lenient on academic? From observation, I think formal education grades only counts for your first job. Even this contributes less than 50%. When I interview job applicants, my main priority is whether the characters fit the job description and our office culture. Skill and knowledge can be taught (well of course not wanting to teach from the base, the acad and experience come into play to balance). And my bosses, so far, think so too. So far no one insisted to hire because the applicant is a straight A student.

So my No 1 was hit moderately hard in year 1. From small primary school pond to a big secondary school pond, she learnt that there are many bigger fish. She found out on how to recover from failing to get the things she aimed for, even though she has put in the effort.

Recently my No 2 had his first encounter.

And oh boy! I just realised that this kind of failure or rejection is harder for the Mom. 😆

All in all, from my two, two takeaways to share. First, Mom must toughen up and get ready. There’ll be tears and lengthy emotional non logical discussion why the child could not get it. This is especially for things beyond our control (those come with a disclaimer that xxx decision is final and would not entertain any questions or appeal). Second, it’s important for them to get it out. Listen to the rambling and outpouring. No need to force them to understand there and then. Eventually they’ll see your points.

Side note: Why Mom? Dad normally says, “Aiyah no big deal... carry on lah... Man up!“

Important outcomes of this experience are more than my initial purpose of bringing them up without fear. They also learnt:

1. Life still goes on... on the next day they saw that there are more opportunities. Seeing your child getting back on their feet without being bogged down by the upset is really rewarding for parents. 

2. Others also experience the same. They have comrades who failed too... even those received more ‘unfair’ result. They learnt to laugh at themselves. Being able to laugh at failures is very important for stress management.

3. There are things beyond control. Accepting that others have a different set of eyes and consideration is a really good step towards maturity and serenity.

As always, hope the above is useful for you.

Parenting a Teenager

When my babies were below 10 years old, definitely I cannot imagine life without them. Living away from them is unthinkable. Yes, I did refuse to go on business trip. That time, I cannot imagine how my own parents can let me go to study abroad. Or to get married.

But lo and behold... nature is indeed a beautiful and powerful process.

After 10 years old, came the rebellious ‘tude. Gone were the adoring eyes, gone were the blind trust and believe that parents were superheroes. THEN I can understand how parents round the world can let the children fly out of their nest.

Below are what have helped me to go through with my dear daughter. By the time she reached 14 we’re pretty much besties again. I am thankful to pass through the transition with a happy ending, maybe somewhat relatively fast. 

1. Parents should accept that a child is another human being, with own character, own thinking, own strength and weakness. Be the adult and help them to shape all into place, such that they can have a purpose in life. Shaping them after your own image of success is a recipe for disaster.

2. Punish or tell off the action, but never the person. In fact this goes with general population. Even the best people on earth do make mistake from time to time. Mistake is one way to learn.

3. Biologically they are confused. Help them recognise when it’s the hormone speaking. And then ways to control it. Example, told my daughter when it’s time of the month and she feels being in a lousy mood, better reduce interaction with others. Do other things on her own for a while. How to approach this is unique for every individual. Need to look for the best way.

4. Tell teens your problem. Work problem, house problem, friends problem, world news... This will help them to realize that problems are part of life. When they think they have problems, it’s normal. And by sharing, we’re sharing our frame of thoughts, the many facets of consideration, and how it arrives at the solution. Even better, share your bad solution. To share that making mistake is human will help them accept vulnerability to become less defensive about everything (sounds familiar, folks?)

5. Let them have a say in the house. We’re dealing with kittens that think they’re tigers. Having a say in how they live, will channel some of the power crave. Especially for boys, I observe. Those alpha male ego yearning to be released.

Can’t say I have perfected it. In fact, still struggle with No 2. If I come through intact I’ll write whether there’s a difference in parenting teen-girl and teen-boy.

Oh yeah, bonus tip: never criticise your teens’ friends! In this stage, friends are number one priority. Just watch out, sit tight, and listen. It’s better to listen to horror stories rather than being judgmental and knowing no story.

Apple Watch for Moms

A short one.

Two years ago my looong-service helper decided to return back to her village for good.

I had never cooked in my life then, not anything more than instant noodles or frying eggs. I baked, but savoury everyday dishes are totally a different ball game (short of trying to find meal recipe that comes with precise instruction of how many tsp of salt, grams of vege, or ml of water).

Not to forget the military-precision required hectic children schedule. Schools, stay-backs, tuitions, uniform, breaks, lunches, ...

Once or twice I went back home in fear that I forgot to turn off the stove. Or cover the kids lunches (I prepare in the morning and leave it on the table at that time. Now more clever. Tips on this on later post).

At that point in time I considered a smart watch. And after a careful selection, I chose an Apple Watch. Simple reason, it’s easy to use. Standard, not complicated, and should be durable enough to accompany me washing the bathroom or doing the dishes.

A few joys are:

1. Added Google calendar complications, so that I can tell where the kids are, and in the morning it’s literally a flick of the wrist to see what I need to prepare for that day.

2. Timer. Used this both to time the kids gaming time, test paper trial, and cooking.

3. Very nice to be able to receive calls and message wherever you are. Especially if you are waiting for Amazon delivery or a call back. This, without the rush finding the phone.

4. Ingredient list. I took a snap of the recipe, and keep it as favorite on my phone. Access the favorite photos from Apple Watch while cooking. Likewise this can be done for shopping. 

5. News headlines. Esp. in COVID-19, I can sort of stay up-to-the-hour with happenings, policy, area to avoid without needing to browse through the news. Just enable the notification.

There are other uses too such as Apple TV remote, camera remote, activity rings, Spotify, alarm, world clock,... haha and it also allows furtive message checking in meetings 😜

Whether it worths the price... Hard to say. It’s very good. But I still feel it’s too expensive for a Mommy watch. And, the fact that it can only be paired with an Apple phone, brings the system cost up. But well indeed it is my mini helper. 

The Perks of Having Faith

Recently, US has a historical turning point (it seems, I hope for the better) on racism.

Another sensitive topic is religion.

This post touches on that so I feel the need to set the stage right in the beginning. I write with a purpose of sharing useful tips from my life experience. Took me quite some time to consider, but it’s indeed very useful and important for me so here it is...

From the title, ‘faith’ refers loosely to any believes or religion. To me, any teaching that encourages human to be kind to others and do fruitful deeds are good. I do not subscribe (though by right I should, I believe my God is kind and understanding) to you-will-go-to-hell-unless-you-join-my-religion. Main reason, I think God is kind and wise. He will see the good deeds.

Up to now, I suppose you can guess that yes, I am not a free-thinker or an atheist.

I came from a country that having a religion is mandatory. So it was an eye opener when I realized that in Singapore, it is not.

What is the perks of having a faith? To me, it allows me to hope. When times are tough, I have my God to lean on and ask for help. Even in a messed up time, I dare to hope that things happen for a reason, and eventually all will be ok. Uncertain future? Have faith and hope.

With this, I do not blame others or myself when things go wrong. And I don’t get frustrated easily too.

For my children, I don’t force faith. I provide the environment and send them to faith formation classes. I have shared the above purpose with them, eventually I hope that our faith can help them similarly when they’re away from me. 

I think, having faith may be able to reduce teens suicide rate.

Friends within the religious group tends to be kinder, less judgmental. This provides support for rough teenage time. Coping with physical change, mood swing, academic demand... is no joke.

So if it never occur to you to try, can give it a go. If you have strayed, can come back to your faith. If you are comfortable as is now, also cool.

Direct School Admission (DSA)

Previous post was about GEP, which screening happens in P3.

Now fast forward to P6, the Direct School Admission (DSA) exercise.

What is DSA?

Best definition would be from MOE website.

But in short, DSA is a process in Singapore education system to allow matching of talents to the secondary school with a little compromise on academic result.

By pure academic result, students are posted to secondary school based on the PSLE cutoff point. Until this year, using normalised score, this can be pretty cut throat.

Through DSA, talented students enjoy a little bit of leeway.

What field of talents required?

For the full list, please visit the secondary school website. MOE website also lists a few talent area. In general, it would be sports, arts, language, math, science, STEM, leadership, ... some even include entrepreneurial.

How is the process?

In past four to five years, I see the process being tweaked almost every year. Best to check out the detailed steps from both MOE and target secondary school website.

Simplified steps are application (now centralised by MOE except for SSP and a few other schools), test/audition, interview, result, and... student option whether to accept the school offer.

There are three possible result. Confirmed Offer (CO), Waiting List (WL), or rejected. Students must lock in their reply before PSLE result announcement. For those WL, definite in/out will be indicated in the PSLE result slip. 

How much of academic result trade off are we talking about?

Although normally the prerequisite to accept the offer is pretty low, but the school selection process will take the academic result into consideration. This is to ensure that the students accepted through this process can survive the 4-6 years. What I observed, DSA ‘discount’ is not more than 5 to 10% off the normal cutoff point. 

Why is it good?

* Allow children to brush up non academic field, while still enjoying the challenging academic requirement in secondary school. To me, this is like a safety net for the children to switch back to academic if they want to.

* This scheme also helps student with a very strong particular subject but less of a well-rounder. 

* Some argues that this lifts up some PSLE pressure from the kid. But please beware. My personal experience is No 1 is even more stressed after receiving a CO. In fear of cannot match up to peers entering via normal path.

How it can backfire?

Students entering the school via DSA is obliged to both performing the activities in the field they apply through for 4 years minimum.

Example, talents in sport must compete for the school with no option to drop even if the secondary school academic result suffer. 

Another possible case is that the PSLE result is way below the expected result. This mean the student cannot back off (because option is locked before result announcement), finger crossed and work hard to catch up. 

Any good tips?

* Visit the secondary school open house in P5 (IP schools normally hold it in May, and most school hold it in November). To me this is useful for two reasons: good to let the child see and strive for the P5 result, and in case there’s anything preventing the open house in P6.

* See see look look kiasu parents website. Normally they have a dedicated forum for each year of DSA. There are some practical tips and info that cannot be found elsewhere. Just take it with a pinch of salt since not all the contributor opinion is up-lifting.

* If you are a parent with a child talented in art or sport and willing to spend or do the work, build up the portfolio early to avoid costly brush up in P4-P5. To do a demo video, some agents charged an unbelievable sum.

Hope this post is informative, to provide a balance between the DSA hype and the risk. See ya!

Sorry... And A GEP Follow Up

 I only pen thoughts for pleasure. Hence, it is not at all regular. And, being a jack of all trades master of none, my attention span is really short. This, coupled with many happenings in my family, really took the energy away from writing. 

Why this prelude and why the sorry? Because I just realised that there are readers *blush*. Never thought of that. And that the nice readers leave comments. I just found out. And hence just published it. Some questions, because too old, are no longer relevant (and I believe no one is still expecting the answer). Sincerely I am sorry... I hope with technology I will be able to reply in time for the future.

Now, it is the season of GEP screening :D

This is related to my older post. I think at that time, my No 1 was having it. No 1 didn’t get in, but No 2 did. So below are my thoughts... hope it is useful.

What is GEP?

Gifted Education Programme (GEP) is targetted for high ability children in Singapore. These children, learn deeper and wider topics in English Math Science and Social Study. Plus with projects too. It is a 3 years (well 2.5 years if you count PSLE prep) from P4 to P6.

How is the screening being done?

Currently there are two rounds of test. Both are similar, but the second one is harder and more extensive. I have not seen the papers, but I heard from my kids they are like math IQ question with English comprehension.

Is it more expensive?

No. If the child is selected, and choose to join, the program is done in some primary schools in Singapore. No additional cost. Half joking : but you need to pay additional hours to do it.

How different is the program vs mainstream syllabus?

First year was a shock for us. It’s been an eye opener to see what a 10 year old can do. It’s really amazing. The Gifted Ed Branch did a good job in preparing the parents mentally, and in providing close mini counselling for the children.

Example of different requirement: if normal composition requirement is 140 words, in GEP it is common for an essay assignment requiring 700-1500 words (may not be accurate but hope you get the gist). Likewise for comprehension. The text is like 2 pages long in font 12 single spacing.

And, the Teachers are really well equipped for challenging questions from curious minds. I’m also very impressed on how they can teach. I couldn’t until now think of how to teach a child to do above comprehension test within limited time. How to spot the info and how to know what the questions are asking about. 

A few parents I know really put in lots of time in helping their kids coping (with assignment tracking, preparing for presentation, projects, teaching, ...). But I managed to go fairly unscathed. Only more nagging because really the work can snowball unless it’s done regularly. For quality of work, I believe in letting the kid go by own effort. To be sent for competition or being top of the class is never my target. 

What to prepare for the test?

There are tutors and centers focused on GEP Test preparation. My personal take, don’t. For the sole reason that if a child need to prepare for the test to pass, the child will need to work really hard to catch up. Of course, likewise, there are again tutors and centers offering GEP curriculums lesson to help the kid coping. But it really takes away the enjoyment. Related to my last question below. Keep reading... or scroll through...

Are the children suffering?

Despite the high workload, No 2 is having a good time. Every few months when I saw him buried deep in homework I asked whether he regretted joining the program (fun trivia: the child need to sign that he wants to join). His answer is always a firm no. He really enjoy the mind challenge and most importantly to be among likeminded friends.

Emotionally will they still get to be a child?

Ooo yeah! Still mischievous as ever. For sports and arts they are combined with the mainstreams children. Plus of course there’s CCA.

How is the assessment and passing rate?

In the briefing, we were told that passing rate is 70%. Failed case in meeting this is really rare. Not because it’s easy, but because the teachers will guide the children and parents will be engaged if necessary. Test papers are standardised among all GEP primary school. If I’m not wrong, the Teachers also can cross mark (meaning the work may be marked by another school teacher).

Why social study?

One more unique feature of GEP is the serious social study test. Why, I have not seek a formal answer. But I do believe in the need to balance high ability with social consciousness. So this is only my guess. I include this question to highlight that the program is quite well rounded. 

Last question... related to test prep question above:

All in all, is GEP prog more superior than mainstream?

When I got my first baby, I read that study shows children that can read faster are not necessarily more successful in life. Of course depends on success definition. That advise refer to regular perceived success. Likewise for GEP. Of course I don’t know the adult outcome yet. But I do believe the early exposure is beneficial to a certain extend only. 

My No 1 was in mainstream but she managed to join an IP school with plenty ex-GEP friends. So comparing the two:

* GEP do prepare for IP. For the first year, I saw ex-GEPpers were better equipped. The thinking and work process are very similar.

* But, after the first year, ex-mainstreams can catch up. No issue. Ex GEPpers seem like more interested in those mentorship research program, moot parliament, ... could be related to their exposure to research and social study.

* Both groups have equal leadership and non acad talents. Some super kids can really grab it all. Art sport leadership acad all top notch. But honest to goodness there are only how many of this kind. Let the child find their own passion balance is better in my view.

And, No 2 believes that there are smarter kids that didn’t get selected. Either because they were not in optimum condition during test or because they’re not so interested in answering acad questions.

If your child is going for the test, all the best. Let him/her knows no need to be so stressed, just have fun. Both outcome are alright.

If your child has been selected, congrats, you got a ticket for an exciting ride.

Note: this post is a pure opinion. Please don’t shoot me. And no compensation in any form from anyone.

Five Determinants of Salary

Our children are in the teen years... where they think about life. Especially No. 1, she has been putting serious thoughts into her choice of career. Amazingly, this pandemic encourages her to work even harder since she believe it would be harder for her generation.

So, recently one of our dinner table conversation was what determine a person salary. This topic has been on my mind of years, every time I screen through job openings. Remuneration package is always linked to:

1. Number of hours to put in

To professional, this may include travelling, being away from your family

2. Sheer good old talents and capability

Unique or strong talent, can spend lesser time at work while earning similar pay

3. Responsibility

In short of two above, if you are willing to take responsibility, definitely it is valued and paid accordingly

4. Risk

Simple supply and demand of work force. Without lucrative pay, we won’t have anyone willing to put themselves in danger. Physically or legally or ...

5. ... Connection...

Originally I only had 4 above. Then this came up. This does not include nepotism perse. But more of people skill. One aspect is if you are closer to the correct people, another aspect is your network in relation to job needs. Personal relationships do influence professionals.

What’s your dinner table conversation topic? :)

Everyone Needs an Outlet

In this bleak time, I found the urge to write again. Somehow was considering between writing or art-ing. Chose the first because art is very hard to be done standing balancing precariously in the train.

As with millions if not billions others, I belong to a few chat group. Family, friends, colleagues, and... parents support. So I realise that nowadays, my fellow charters have become either very positively encouraging one another (ya... especially you, the one just shared list of Broadway and Amazon books freebies), very angry skeptics jumping at every little comment news policy, and some very small group of people that are simply waiting for things to happen. If you are feeling that bile of anger rising within you, take a deep breath and repeat... we’re in this together. Governments everywhere may take less than clever decision, but well... hindsight wisdom is always a tricky thing, isn’t it?

Therefore here I am, channeling my thoughts... positively.

HDB improvement program - for home owners

These are some tips based on our experience:

1. If you're very particular about quality and aesthetics of things, watch the progress like a hawk. This is especially on first few days and the last few days. First few days are to establish the ground work, where and which to hack. And last few days are the finishing. Especially at the finishing part, it progresses super fast! If you have patterned tile or wall, catch the tiler before he starts to tell him where and how you want the pattern to be. Most importantly, when they are installing the accessories, be there and supervise. Paiseh aside, you're the one who will live in it. It's unbelievable. One household got its shower head installed on top of the wash basin. So unless you're quirky enough, be the naggy Aunty there.

2. Be very clear of what can and what cannot. To use own toilet, wash basin, and tiles, there are extra charge for... Labour. We couldn't see the logic in it, but indeed it's official. If you supply your own material, you will need to pay for the labour ON TOP of the full fee. It got something to do about claiming the subsidy from HDB. For PRs, who receive no subsidy anyway, it really defies logic. But well, a rule is a rule.

3. Talk talk talk to neighbors! You wouldn't believe how much information you can get through this avenue. The construction supervisors quality and policy varies. If one allows raised platform in the toilet, the other may not. Take a pic of those can, and insist (Hey, you'll use it minimum twice a day. Make sure you're happy with it). Mind you, they'll only allow  reverting back to original structure. No change is allowed. Well, considering the sheer quantity that they need to churn out, understandable.

4. Relax, don't get worked out. Seems like the contract bidding is aimed to get an expensive but fast builders. So the MO will be that they'll just do it, they'll not wait for you. If you're not happy with it, they'll just redo the whole thing. Redoing things are not unusual. So don't hesitate. If you're like me, not keen on redoing over and over again (oh yes that's real), take note of point number 1.

5. Everyday you will meet different people. Even the supervisor is not dedicated to your unit (supposedly yes, but well... ). Arguments, disputes, quality of work varies. When you discuss with one, be sure to remember the name. Best, always go through the office as your point of contact.

So to end it, am I happy with the whole thing? Well, it's surely done fast. My bathroom walls are very slightly curved (it was so grossly bent, but we requested redoing). Lucky for us that our finishing plumber is good. He's neat, considerate and very patient. For the material supplied, I think they fall on the average quality wise. So we're prepared to change in a few years time.

All the best!

Pokemon go family fun

Despite all thou highly righteous warnings that Pokemon Go is dangerous and highly addictive, our family is giving it a spin.

Of course, Mommy is worry at the beginning. Anyway exam is coming soon. But after a week, I'm more glad than others. The game is simple enough to be enjoyed by the young and young-at-heart alike. It caters for both serious and casual gamer. Having this simple activity pushing us to have looong walks, our family bonds are stronger than ever. We helps each other, laugh together, and most importantly we can talk to our children as equal. Having this commonality helps to reach out to them, it relaxes them enough to open up to us on important matters. This is something so special because we get to see the children as they are. How they think, how they interact with peers, how competitive they are, how they utilize resources, ...

Not that we don't have all those above prior to Pokemon Go craze. I'm writing this to share that the game does have a positive impact for us. Not all troubles and risks.

Addictive? Sure it's possible. But hey, Facebook and WhatsApp are addictive too. Many have spent aimless hours posting and chatting and e-stalking people. Instead, take this opportunity to teach the children that yes we know the game is fun, but we should exert self-control.

Stay positive. In this era, if we take all the nay says, life wouldn't be much fun.

A wise friend shared with me before:

As a human, don't blame others. Instead, do self control and self check. To improve, instead of competing with others, always try to outdo one's own capability.

Theory on Human Second Birth

We have a pre-teen at home 😔😄😰😱😖😍😳😤😡🙄

That's some emo, just to represent our emotional roller coaster. And, ladies and gentlemen, our first pre-teen is a girl!

I am not credible yet to comment on pre-teen boys. But most mommies I chatted with agree that girls tend to be... Bitchy. Sad but true.

Surrounding the hormones overloads are the constant bickering, self-centered self-pity emotion analysis, and plenty of picking on others (main focus will be boys and siblings). Not to mention the neurotic thought and gasp and moan, everything seems like a big problem of life and death situation.

That sparks a theory to me. Anyone with an itch to explore on it scientifically, please feel free as long as you let me know if what's the outcome.

Ok, my theory is that every human has a second birth.

The first birth is after 40 weeks of conception, this is the physical birth.

The second birth is after 20 or so years old. This is the mental and emotional birth.

So during childhood and teenage-hood, one's personality is being formed. Mainly. Of course after that things are still progressing, but more or less this period is the definitive formation period.

Parenting wise, as much as we have a responsibility during the pregnancy, parents also have unique opportunity and obligation to shape the children characters. To me, it should be aimed for contribution to society and the independent fulfillment of self actualization needs.

Well... Please take it with a pinch of salt. It is a jolly rambling of a mother who is currently so enjoying her motherhood. All the best to parents out there... Enjoy the ride while you can. 

[Good enrichment] Yongin Taekwondo

If I have to choose between a good enrichment center and a good coach or tutor, intuitively I will lean toward a person.

A good enrichment center may have good materials, good teachers (coaches or tutors), or both. It will surely start at one of the first two and should strive to have the third.

I have an earlier post on Hankuk Taekwondo. Until now, it is still of the better one I believe. But it no longer suits our schedule and preference hence I was on the hunt for another alternative.

And by sheer luck, we found Yongin Taekwondo in Ang Mo Kio Jubilee (http://www.yongintkd.com.sg).

Why luck? Because the owner-principal-coach is none other than our first coach! He was the one who introduced us to the values and disciplines of practicing taekwondo.

So on the first lesson, it really cheered me up to see that he is still infusing the same values. Respect, patience, focus, keeping neat and clean... (these are not Taekwondo tenets per se, but those important to me 😎).

Fee is comparable with other school, maybe so so slightly more expensive but with more flexibility. For primary school kids that need to work out around school workload, it's good. 

Oh yeah! We're so looking forward to see our son's progress in this one.

HDB Home Improvement Program - Stay in!

Recently, quite a number of HDB Home Improvement Program (HIP) cases are scheduled to change waste pipe and toilet upgrading, mainly in old estate.

Today is day 10 for our family. It's supposedly the end 😀

Next post will be dedicated for home owners, what to do. This post alone will be for parents. 

Firstly, what is involved? The program is a mass renovation of waste pipe (compulsory) and toilets/shower (optional). Lead time per flat is about 10 working-days (inclusive Saturdays). It's done in mass production style, so per HDB block, roughly about 2 months (depending on number of units).

During the 2 months, expect:

* hacking noise

* dust (comes with above)

* lift breakdown and jam (as a result of carrying pails of cement and the non-stop activity of the construction)

During the 10 days, expect dysfunctional kitchen, toilet/shower, and washing machine.

Sounds scary, right?

Before starting, there's about 6 months to a year involving voting, inspection, options, ... During this time, we prepared mentally, looking around for other living option and other alternative arrangements (laundromat, count no of uniforms necessary, ...).

During those time, we also considered:

* bunking in with friends or relatives

* economical hotel (something from 100+ per night)

* Airbnb apartment rental

However, by God's grace, something downed on me a few weeks before the renovation starts. We are having a pre-teen in the house. By law of nature, she complains A LOT. So I had an idea of staying in during the whole chaos to let them see and experience the discomfort. Cruel Mommy, right? Well, tens of other families with no other option did it. So I thought, should be do-able.

Now, after completion (sort of), I am really glad that we did it. We've grown closer and the kids perspective of life have opened up. They're more willing to accept less than ideal condition, and the experience has provided the much needed nudge towards gratitude for 'given' comfort.

If you're game, below are some tips:

1. Prepare everyone mentally. Mine happened right bang in the middle of exam time. So I've told them to revise earlier. With all the noise, concentration will be reduced.

2. We isolated two rooms. One for study, pantry (microwave inside), and dining. And another one for sleeping. Everyone wears slippers at home, with mats in front of the room. Before climbing into bed, use wet wipes to wipe off feet (of course, we also use the portaloo to wash feet, but the amount of dust is to-experience-to-believe).

3. Blocked entrance to these two rooms as much as possible by painter plastic sheets. It is a challenge to tape it to both ceiling and floors. But be patient and you're saving yourself lots of work, and protecting your furnitures too. Tips: tape both sides (in and out) at each top and bottom side. For top, at some interval, strengthen by having a perpendicular tape instead of parallel to the side.

4. Bring out all the unnecessary stuff from inside the two rooms. You'll appreciate the space. Mine, other than bed, I keep in only: land line, all children school books, enough clothes towels bedsheets for two weeks, medicines, first aid box, iPad and PC. We also moved the fridge to a good lesser-dust 

-exposure area.

5. Other than wet wipes, prepare disposable cups plates fork spoon straws, mineral waters (don't forget the 500-600ml ones for the kids to bring to school), cup noodles, vitamins, milk, snacks.

6. One consolation for my kids was the constant eat out/food delivery. So Mommy, get ready to keep your fingers crossed for the amount of MSG. 😝

7. In each unit, there'll be one portaloo (portable toilet) installed. But beware, contrary to the claim, there's no hot water. And, the water supply is small. So to keep it not smelly, prepare to have some wet area around it. Why? Use buckets and scoop to flush. Oh, and we also only used it for emergency wee in the evenings. When it just arrived, I wiped everything with bleach. On the second day, the worker steps on it everywhere (they need to do something). Oh well... A matter of adjusting expectation.

8. Kitchen sink can still be used for brushing teeth and washing face. I was even tempted to wash my hair there but in the end used the downstairs temporary toilet/shower all the way.

9. Be prepared to q to use the common temporary toilets/shower. See the positive side, all my neighbors commented that we've grown closer too.

10. Always try to see the funny side no matter what and be amazed at how adaptable human beings are.

All the best! 👍🏻

Worst Parenting Mistake

This post is a note to yours truly of the worst parenting mistake possible. Which is... *drum rolls* to believe that your child do no wrong.

Mind you, very little parents never scold their children. This is not what I mean.

But, how many parents you know that always side with their own children when something happen. I do trust my own children, will back them up when situation arises. But the crime lies in the frequency, ALWAYS.

This includes when they're telling stories of what happens in school. Especially with young children, please please please always take it with a great dollop of salt. Below are a few familiar complain from a primary kid:

* He laughs at me when I get bad marks.

It's normal to express joy when one get a higher mark. Laughing at is a very very different case. I know some kids are truly mean. But please... If you achieve something and you managed to stay stone-faced, you may cast the first stone.

* She always cut queue

* He never help me

Indeed there are some kids that have no respect for order. But the word 'always' and 'never' are very strong, yet have been very frequently used by primary schoolers in Singapore (I have no experience with secondary schoolers, yet).

* She snatched my book

Children are naturally impatient. They always want to get what the want... Fast. To me, I set 'snatching' as forcefully taking an object against the current holder will. For children, mind you, taking things (especially test paper) itself is frequently termed 'snatching'.

Always bear in mind that children have limited vocabulary, and their subjectivity is very very high. Listen to their story, and explain the other possible point of views.

So what it got to do with the worst parenting mistake?

With all the distorted fact above, likely one child will complain about friends after friends after friends. When the parents agree with the child? Right! The child may eventually ended up with no friends, and also a very negative emotionally.

So there... Prepare your bucket of salt. Treat other children kindly. They are the jems of their parents' eyes too.

No. 1 Tip in exam

I am not in any ways a good scholar. Nor am the mother of exemplary students.

But so far, at P4 and P1,they are stress-free and, thank God, achieved band 1 in all subjects so far.

For me, a very simple rule of thumb is to sleep early the night before exam.

Enough sleep helps the brain to process information (I.e., the questions) clearer. It also reduces panic, and therefore the hazard of panic induced answers.

The night before exam, it's too late to cram in whatever things that's not understood yet. Instead, parents of young children are challenged to pace their daily study, so that the progress is gradual. Understanding the subject well (vs memorizing it) helps to build up the foundation necessary for the next level.

Two pages a day for 30 days is better than 40 pages a night before.

Hope it helps. And hope I can be committed to perform my parental duty above. Should the tip cease to work in the future, I'll revise this post :P

Painting a Presentation

Just want to make a quick note to remind myself that indeed working the corporate life is an art.

Presenting in the title also covers reporting.

Presenting skill is one key component in higher level work. To convince others of an idea, the presentation must also be backed up with confident communication skill. Pretty much a good salesman skill.

Most juniors give facts. If we're lucky, the facts will be organized in some sort of manner. Reader (audience) needs to digest, separating the important information, making the head and the tail of it.

However, from the seniors we can expect a performance. Sit back, listen and see. You will know the essence precisely how s/he wants it. If the presenter communicate well, there's even a chance that you'll believe the content, and act on the message. A good presentation is halfway done.

Below are a few pointers that I've gathered over the years:

1. Understand what you need to present. This is absolutely necessary. By knowing your content well, not only you'll gain the confidence to talk about it, but most importantly you will be able to do the below next steps well.

2. Confirm what is the aim. Consider your audience. Be as specific and you can. For example, to highlight point x, downplay point y, so that they will decide towards point z, ....

3. Sketch the big picture. Device a strategy of the presentation flow. Jot down the important point of every slide or section.

4. Develop each slide, choose your content carefully. The more is not the merrier. Not all little details need to be in. Put what's necessary. For this I like to use graphical rather than points. Takes a long time to do up, but it can be easily understood, even across culture/language. This is to ensure decision is made based on correct facts. You don't want people to come back thinking you have twisted the facts.

5. From each slide, highlight a few points that are the key. This can be done by many ways: bold bigger text, boxed up, utilize the space, etc.

6. Beautify the package. As much as we value products that are packaged beautifully, a good looking presentation will appeal more. Audience tends to be happier in listening/reading. It's not a waste of time when done cleverly. Some basic:

* Use a professional font throughout. Most of the time, you have many source. By copying from left to right, it'll looks messy and doesn't reflect well on you.

* Pay attention to font/figure size and spacing. Important content should be easier to spot. When space is limited, do not size the font such that it becomes very small and illegible. People feels uneasy with fine prints.

* Choose a color theme and stick to it. Manage the colors to emphasize, downplay, or to guide the attention in the flow.

* Outlines are not necessarily be black. Black, dark outline for many figures cramped into a slide will make the slide looks tangled. Try using a more subtle color, trying out the line weights.

* Choose a gender neutral color scheme. Equality aside, you want to attract everyone.

7. Review, and review, and review, ... 

Well, this is a skill that gets honed with experience. Practice makes perfect. I myself am newbie here. Drop any comments if you have tips to share.

Happy painting :)

[Good books] Chicken Soup for the Soul series

I find that people opinion on the Chicken Soup for the Soul series tends to differ in extremities. Some love it, the other half sneer at it. Gimmicky? Commercialized heart warming stories?

Well, taking a step back, I can see the gimmicks. With more than 250 titles and counting, sure  the series has approached some very specific souls which make the spectators shake their heads in disbelieve. And, tone of the book depends on who co-edit/write it.

For me, I've been reading Chicken Soup series for almost 20 years, on and off. And at the very least, it reminds me every now and then to count my blessings. Secondly, some of the short stories has cheered and encouraged me along the way. Now in the 30s, I can appreciate its title. Well... It feeds and warms your soul!

Below are three titles that are my personal favorites:

Chicken Soup for the Expectant Mother's Soul

Read this during one of my all time low after my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at almost 20 weeks. I couldn't help to wonder what went wrong, how about the next ones, ... whether there'll be a next one since the grief was so hard to bear. Fortunately I bumped into this book in the library. Unexpectedly, the stories inspired me that everything is possible.

Life Lessons for Loving the way You Live

This book is like a crash course on serenity prayer. If you want to change it, go and change. Otherwise, be at peace. I think, this book helped me to at least save many years of wondering and wandering. After reading it, I know what I want is to mommy the children. Working is just to support this goal. It matters less where or what I work on.

Chicken Soup for the Preteen Soul

My 10 years old daughter found this book in a bargain section and she bought it. After reading it, she has some sense of acceptance of her life. Come to think of it, surely it's tough to be a child. Almost everyday, your world is changing. New abilities, new teacher, new friends, ... So, back to my preteen. I think there are some situation or problem that she doesn't even know how to phrase it, or whether to share it with us her parents. The book affirms that what she's facing is normal, happens to other preteens as well. And of course, not coming from her naggy parents, she is more readily receptive of the message (I could've said some of the advices myself, but it won't sink in as well).

So that's my top three titles. What are yours?

PS: To those new to Chicken Soup series, if you want to start, start from the original first book. The sequels tend to be less exciting.

Much Ado About Feeling Beautiful

Recently I had a major change happening. To cope with it, I am making sure that I'm 'uncluttered'. Uncluttered, to me, means that I am not distracted by the smallies, and that I feel comfortable to face come-what-may.

Unexpectedly, one of the small thing that works for me is taking care of myself. Hence the post title. It's not about looking beautiful. Wanting to look beautiful brings round the challenge to please others' eyes. But in wanting to feel beautiful, you have only yourself to answer to.

Without the burden of others' perception, we can truly design and enjoy the process. Everyone can do it. It does not depend on the $$$ sign. For me, for example, instead of going to the expensive spa, I had a good scented scrub and did it myself while watching a funny TV episode. Afterwards, with a nice moisturizer, definitely the feeling is good.

Another example, tried out new shampoo or conditioner. And took time to blow dry my hair instead of wash and dash to go. Haha I know it's normal for most ladies. But for me, with two little ones tugging and pulling, I need to make a conscious effort to steal the time.

In short, when we feel beautiful, your confiden is boosted multi folds. With the newfound level, you're good to go wherever life takes you.

[Good Brands] Klutz

We fell in love with Klutz 9 years ago when I discovered a Klutz book below:

It's not expensive at all, considering the hours of fun derived from it. Most of Klutz book... Well... Kit, more appropriately. Most of Klutz kits are reusable over and over again. Using the materials provided handily in the sturdy pouch or container, the child can do and redo many sets of instruction provided in the book. Afterwards, children can make their own creation. The idea behind each kit is simple, but very stimulating.

After that, we got about 5 other Klutz kits, none disappointing.

So, imagine the joy when we spot this:

Two of our favorite brands combined! Lego and Klutz. If Lego is cool, Klutz brought it to a new level by introducing the dynamic engineering theory into it. Super!

This post is not sponsored. It's purely an info sharing.

When Mommy is Sick...

I'm not well. Hasn't been feeling tip top in the past few weeks. With 1000mg vitamin C boost every day, managed to keep it going. However, last night decided to surrender and have a day rest today. 

Unfortunately, dear daughter's teacher had a less than pleasant feedback in the parent teacher meeting this morning. So I'm upset. Yes, I do. While my gal completely has no issue in her studies, she does have her moments of stressed out outburst. And frequent outburst in public is simply not right.

So in and out I drifted between paracetamols induced sleeps. In each awakening, my big problem zooming in cruelly. 

Why, one may ask, is it such a big problem?

My friend, it's big because I have no clue on how to solve it. And attitude is so very important to me. I've always emphasizing to both kids that I'd rather they fail their test, compared to being a person with a bad attitude.

Part of me is feeling guilty for not being there for her because I spent the time in the office, busy catching deadlines which I'm not sure whether it matters.

Another part is screaming... Nooo... It's doesn't sound like my little sweet girl... She must've been provoked! How can the teacher judged so while she herself was more often away in training or other personal matter. But I was humbled by my other more-rational-part into acceptance that indeed darling princess has been very rude and moody at home. Welcome teenage hormonal zing zang!

So here I was, alone, sipping my hot cocoa, waiting for the kids to finish their lessons. And suddenly it strikes me, to thank God. Thank you for the hot chocolate to calm me and my runny nose down. Thank you that my girl is acting up now. This means she's growing up. I hope by this episode, she'll learn a very valuable lesson. Rather than not knowing until she's old and wrinkled. Thank you for less than perfect form teacher. Because otherwise she may think everyone is like Mary Poppins. All objective and patient and naiiish...

Thank you for this problem... Because it means I'm alive...

If you have tips on how to parent a teenager, please do leave some comments below. Thank you.