When Failing is Good

I am very normal. Average look, average height (for Asian), average income, ... However, because of my tiger Mom, I worked hard in school. Up to a point I’m very scared to fail. This has also caused my fear to try new things and to shake the current equilibrium. Likewise fear of conflict.

Realising the negative impact of my ‘safe’ upbringing, I try to do different for my kids. My golden rule for them are they’ll get scolding for repeat mistake but not for the first time. As they grow, I have slowly released the control. Provide suggestion rather than direction in non life-and-death matter. Includes academic.

Why so lenient on academic? From observation, I think formal education grades only counts for your first job. Even this contributes less than 50%. When I interview job applicants, my main priority is whether the characters fit the job description and our office culture. Skill and knowledge can be taught (well of course not wanting to teach from the base, the acad and experience come into play to balance). And my bosses, so far, think so too. So far no one insisted to hire because the applicant is a straight A student.

So my No 1 was hit moderately hard in year 1. From small primary school pond to a big secondary school pond, she learnt that there are many bigger fish. She found out on how to recover from failing to get the things she aimed for, even though she has put in the effort.

Recently my No 2 had his first encounter.

And oh boy! I just realised that this kind of failure or rejection is harder for the Mom. 😆

All in all, from my two, two takeaways to share. First, Mom must toughen up and get ready. There’ll be tears and lengthy emotional non logical discussion why the child could not get it. This is especially for things beyond our control (those come with a disclaimer that xxx decision is final and would not entertain any questions or appeal). Second, it’s important for them to get it out. Listen to the rambling and outpouring. No need to force them to understand there and then. Eventually they’ll see your points.

Side note: Why Mom? Dad normally says, “Aiyah no big deal... carry on lah... Man up!“

Important outcomes of this experience are more than my initial purpose of bringing them up without fear. They also learnt:

1. Life still goes on... on the next day they saw that there are more opportunities. Seeing your child getting back on their feet without being bogged down by the upset is really rewarding for parents. 

2. Others also experience the same. They have comrades who failed too... even those received more ‘unfair’ result. They learnt to laugh at themselves. Being able to laugh at failures is very important for stress management.

3. There are things beyond control. Accepting that others have a different set of eyes and consideration is a really good step towards maturity and serenity.

As always, hope the above is useful for you.

Theory on Human Second Birth

We have a pre-teen at home 😔😄😰😱😖😍😳😤😡🙄

That's some emo, just to represent our emotional roller coaster. And, ladies and gentlemen, our first pre-teen is a girl!

I am not credible yet to comment on pre-teen boys. But most mommies I chatted with agree that girls tend to be... Bitchy. Sad but true.

Surrounding the hormones overloads are the constant bickering, self-centered self-pity emotion analysis, and plenty of picking on others (main focus will be boys and siblings). Not to mention the neurotic thought and gasp and moan, everything seems like a big problem of life and death situation.

That sparks a theory to me. Anyone with an itch to explore on it scientifically, please feel free as long as you let me know if what's the outcome.

Ok, my theory is that every human has a second birth.

The first birth is after 40 weeks of conception, this is the physical birth.

The second birth is after 20 or so years old. This is the mental and emotional birth.

So during childhood and teenage-hood, one's personality is being formed. Mainly. Of course after that things are still progressing, but more or less this period is the definitive formation period.

Parenting wise, as much as we have a responsibility during the pregnancy, parents also have unique opportunity and obligation to shape the children characters. To me, it should be aimed for contribution to society and the independent fulfillment of self actualization needs.

Well... Please take it with a pinch of salt. It is a jolly rambling of a mother who is currently so enjoying her motherhood. All the best to parents out there... Enjoy the ride while you can. 

Worst Parenting Mistake

This post is a note to yours truly of the worst parenting mistake possible. Which is... *drum rolls* to believe that your child do no wrong.

Mind you, very little parents never scold their children. This is not what I mean.

But, how many parents you know that always side with their own children when something happen. I do trust my own children, will back them up when situation arises. But the crime lies in the frequency, ALWAYS.

This includes when they're telling stories of what happens in school. Especially with young children, please please please always take it with a great dollop of salt. Below are a few familiar complain from a primary kid:

* He laughs at me when I get bad marks.

It's normal to express joy when one get a higher mark. Laughing at is a very very different case. I know some kids are truly mean. But please... If you achieve something and you managed to stay stone-faced, you may cast the first stone.

* She always cut queue

* He never help me

Indeed there are some kids that have no respect for order. But the word 'always' and 'never' are very strong, yet have been very frequently used by primary schoolers in Singapore (I have no experience with secondary schoolers, yet).

* She snatched my book

Children are naturally impatient. They always want to get what the want... Fast. To me, I set 'snatching' as forcefully taking an object against the current holder will. For children, mind you, taking things (especially test paper) itself is frequently termed 'snatching'.

Always bear in mind that children have limited vocabulary, and their subjectivity is very very high. Listen to their story, and explain the other possible point of views.

So what it got to do with the worst parenting mistake?

With all the distorted fact above, likely one child will complain about friends after friends after friends. When the parents agree with the child? Right! The child may eventually ended up with no friends, and also a very negative emotionally.

So there... Prepare your bucket of salt. Treat other children kindly. They are the jems of their parents' eyes too.

No. 1 Tip in exam

I am not in any ways a good scholar. Nor am the mother of exemplary students.

But so far, at P4 and P1,they are stress-free and, thank God, achieved band 1 in all subjects so far.

For me, a very simple rule of thumb is to sleep early the night before exam.

Enough sleep helps the brain to process information (I.e., the questions) clearer. It also reduces panic, and therefore the hazard of panic induced answers.

The night before exam, it's too late to cram in whatever things that's not understood yet. Instead, parents of young children are challenged to pace their daily study, so that the progress is gradual. Understanding the subject well (vs memorizing it) helps to build up the foundation necessary for the next level.

Two pages a day for 30 days is better than 40 pages a night before.

Hope it helps. And hope I can be committed to perform my parental duty above. Should the tip cease to work in the future, I'll revise this post :P

When Mommy is Sick...

I'm not well. Hasn't been feeling tip top in the past few weeks. With 1000mg vitamin C boost every day, managed to keep it going. However, last night decided to surrender and have a day rest today. 

Unfortunately, dear daughter's teacher had a less than pleasant feedback in the parent teacher meeting this morning. So I'm upset. Yes, I do. While my gal completely has no issue in her studies, she does have her moments of stressed out outburst. And frequent outburst in public is simply not right.

So in and out I drifted between paracetamols induced sleeps. In each awakening, my big problem zooming in cruelly. 

Why, one may ask, is it such a big problem?

My friend, it's big because I have no clue on how to solve it. And attitude is so very important to me. I've always emphasizing to both kids that I'd rather they fail their test, compared to being a person with a bad attitude.

Part of me is feeling guilty for not being there for her because I spent the time in the office, busy catching deadlines which I'm not sure whether it matters.

Another part is screaming... Nooo... It's doesn't sound like my little sweet girl... She must've been provoked! How can the teacher judged so while she herself was more often away in training or other personal matter. But I was humbled by my other more-rational-part into acceptance that indeed darling princess has been very rude and moody at home. Welcome teenage hormonal zing zang!

So here I was, alone, sipping my hot cocoa, waiting for the kids to finish their lessons. And suddenly it strikes me, to thank God. Thank you for the hot chocolate to calm me and my runny nose down. Thank you that my girl is acting up now. This means she's growing up. I hope by this episode, she'll learn a very valuable lesson. Rather than not knowing until she's old and wrinkled. Thank you for less than perfect form teacher. Because otherwise she may think everyone is like Mary Poppins. All objective and patient and naiiish...

Thank you for this problem... Because it means I'm alive...

If you have tips on how to parent a teenager, please do leave some comments below. Thank you. 

Castle

Recently, I'm hooked on Castle.

Not a game, not a toy, not a book.

It's a TV series. Murder mystery thriller, with a cool beautiful female detective. Although quality of the story varies from episode to episode (some scenes could be totally not realistic), it has some neat twist that even my beloved hubby couldn't guess the killer right.

But, the best feature I like is the father-daughter relationship pictured there. It's how ideal parenting is to me. With respect, honesty, love, and lots of fun. Daughter in question here is a late teenager, with all the rebellious hormonal stage, newly acquaintance to first love, searching for life footing, ... All the things I'm most anxious to face in our children future.

God helps, hope we will be good enough to have that breed of relationships with our children. Hey, He sent a model answer! Though it's very questionable whether one would be wise to learn from a TV series. 

Public Caning

Just walked dear daughter to school. 

On the way, she mentioned casually that one of her classmate will have 'public caning' today. 

Thankfully she still said the word as something very big. 

So far, all 'privileged' for such treatment were boys. Not that it is impossible to happen to girls. 

It sadden my heart, to imagine 7-8 years old boys to be punished publicly like that. 

Even a heavier burden is that afterwards, they will still do their mischiefs, based on track record. That is, the humiliation will not be fruitful. But I do wonder whether it will scar their childhood experience. 

Is it the school problem?

I'd say, it's parenting problem. Parents should tune their children's intuition. What is expected from them, what are the consequences. It's our duty to save them from society's wrath. 

To take a leaf from my in laws book,

Children are like bamboo. 

Easier to shape when they are young.

Why people play games

Last week, we went to swim.

I had one goal in mind, build their confidence.

You see, they know how to swim. But, we did such a great job making them understand of water danger. They're so scared of drowning (or maybe this is an inherited instinct from my dear hubby). 

Anyhow, so I stood in the pool, and they swam to and fro the edge of the pool. 

Slowly I increased the distance.

After a while it turned into a game. We took some landmark such as tree, poster, lifeguard tower, as target to meet. 

They had fun! To set their target and to meet it is such a great feeling.

I met my goal, the kids had fun. Ahhh... Bliss...

Come to think of it, I think people inherently like to perform. Game provided a no-pressure opportunity to challenge one-self, and to exceed the set target.

How about using it in parenting? Encouraging the kids to to better?

[Trough the Eyes of A Child] The Best Mommy in the World

Influenced by TV, I guess, my children are generous with exaggerated superlatives (worst day ever, best present in my whole life, ... Sounds familiar, no?). 

One time, my five year old told me, "You are the best Mommy in the whole wide world!"

I love to ask a 'deep' question to kids and get their innocently creative answers. Answers that are genuine, have not been shaped by media, school, other people thoughts...

And so I asked him, "How can you know that I am the best mommy? Who knows others are better?"

He pondered a while and replied solemnly, "Because to every kid, his mommy is the best in the world."

There were times we beat ourselves whether we are doing well mothering the family. I hope with this little post we can be reminded that to our kids, we are still the best. Keep going...

How Mommy Uses iPhone

I have been constantly amazed by iPhone. It really has a little brain of its own. A tribute to late Steve Jobs.

Especially in Singapore, almost everyone I know owned, is owning, or plans to own an iPhone. Quite phenomenal.

I've plan to write this post ever since I got my own. Approximately a year ago. Initially, I thought, it was the thrill of new gadgets. Now, a year on, I'm still very attached to the little tool.

1. I used it to track library due dates. Singapore NLB has its own apps, and being able to go online anytime anywhere has helped me a lot in avoiding overdue fines (imagine, being able to bring the list and finding the items at the same time :D)

2. I actually took photos of everything that I need instead of taking notes. My photo album consists of -on top of myriads of children photos- recipes, dictation list, important school announcement, enrichment courses calendars, answers to workbooks (so that I don't have to flip to and fro), ...

3. Entertainment on the go. Practically anywhere, the kids can play games and watch movies. Grrreat for waiting time.

4. Teaching tools. Some great apps teaches phonics, maths, Chinese, ... One of most often apps that I used as reference is the Pleco Chinese-English dictionary and Hanyu Pinyin chart.

5. 'Info-desk' at our fingertips. Combo with Lord Google, I can search anything under the sky. Example question from my 6 years old: why is there so much water on earth?

So, thank you, Mr. Jobs. You have touched so many lives.

Encouragement for All Mothers

My own beloved mother is a working mom. She still is :)
So I gather that I know what it takes, what it will be like, to raise kids while working full time. Now, with two little fellas, I can see from both point of views, mother's and child's.


Long ago, an idealist me would have probably answered with full-head-on determination that I want to be a stay at home Mom.


Upon Kid no 1, all my beloveds (husband, mother, father, ...) convinced me that I should still keep working. At that time, anyway, I still had my tuition fee loan to pay, house to find, ..., all those things that scream money.


And now, six years on, am still in the same office, and amazingly I cannot say that I didn't have a blast there. I do enjoy the brain stimulation, adrenaline rush in meeting deadline, and the teamwork.


One opinion that I am still holding tight is that working mother spends quality time with her kids. By holding tight, yours truly means trying-to-shoo-away-my-guilt-by-providing-quality-time-with-my-kids.


However, I do still think that parents are still the best caregiver and best coach. So whenever my kids misbehave, a little voice within me is still whispering, will this happen if I stay at home?


Above two are one plus and one not-so-plus aspects of many more dilemma of a working mother, I believe.


And then... *gets exciting* one day, I stumbled upon this (when I was searching for working mother's beneficial office arrangement for my boss, bless him):


http://motheringtimes.blogspot.com/2011/03/how-long-have-i-been-sahm.html


It is nicely, aptly, and kindly put. A really recommended reading for all mothers.


I have made peace with our 'condition'. And with acceptance comes amicable arrangement. I am still working. But whenever my kids need me, I will be there for them. Can't say it's easy, but hey, all mothers are superheroes, right? You guys too, Daddies...


So today, I am taking a day off to PLAY with them (one of our family tradition, we'll take a day off every school holiday :)). We'll probably catch a movie, go to view all the good works they've done to Bishan park, visit the library... so much goodies to do in a day! Yay!

How Can I Tell Her About It???

A few days ago, I received a phone call while working. It's from our kindergarten teacher.

I held my breath as she announced the audition result through phone. Our daughter was not selected. :(

At the same moment, images of her eyes shining while practicing flashed through. You see... our little girl loves to perform. She wanted this part. She knew the text by heart, has been practicing even without me.

Afterwards, I dialed my hubby. Wailing over the phone, I lamented to him... Oh no... how can I tell her? I told him that part of me was upset too... How can they not wanting my baby??? My ultra-reasonable other half reminded me that we're dealing with other parents' 'babies' too, here.

In the evening, upon reaching home, hubby quickly asked me, "How? Have you told her?". With a shrug I shook my head.

I waited for THE perfect moment, and soon it was bedtime. Inside my heart... there's a tiny but brilliant idea, a wish that perhaps, she'll even forget about it. In that way, perhaps, I won't need to let her down.

However, again, my great voice of reason throw another scenario... How if she heard it from her friends... That'll be even more fatal.

So I put her in my lap, and told her that her teacher called me. Immediately she stiffened. Not dilly-dallying, I told her that they've selected the other kid. As expected, tears welled up. As I hugged her and rubbed her back, I mouthed to hubby, "You see... you see...?"

We sooth her that it's not because she's bad... Simply because the other kid is better than her. It's okay to fail, because at least she has tried, gave it her best shot. And finally, she brightened up a tad hearing that there'll be plenty opportunity in primary school.

Drifting off to sleep, I smiled at the thought. Today, my daughter has learned to fail. Quite gracefully, I'd like to think. A vital life lesson well learned.

As for me, I learned that there will be no perfect moment to deliver upsetting news. It simply has to be done.

[It Works] Letterland

Long time ago, I was a little skeptical about Letterland. I thought of it as just another one of hyped-up-commercially-exploited creation.

However, we've been converted now.

[+]
1. Catchy tunes. My 3 years old son has been humming the tunes for a few months now.
2. Fun fun fun stories. Even my daughter cannot stop reading the book.
3. Bright beautiful colorful characters, both in illustration and in their story roles.
4. Well developed method of phonics introduction, making it easier for children to remember. 5. We did zoo-phonics with our first one, and we're impressed by the more wholesome approach. From single sound introduction, to digraphs, to more as we've yet to explore.
6. Letterland has almost everything we can think of. Games, workbook, storybook, flashcards,... To make learning continuous and fun.
7. They are available everywhere, not exclusive from the school.

[-]
1. Limited range of product in Singapore.
2. They don't provide free online games as other brands do nowadays.
3. Some stuffs are literally breathtakingly expensive.

Another one is minus for me, plus for my son. He can't stop doing the workbook. So one book was finished up pretty quickly. :)

Tamiflu

My daughter and I walked out from the clinic. With a very puzzled look, the six year old asked me, "Mommy, I never mention of tummy ache, why did the doctor gave me tamiflu?".

Hmmm... I found it funny. Now as I'm typing this I'm not sure whether you do too.

Anyway, in that case I'll share our experience with tamiflu. Within hours, many well meaning friends warned me on the... I can't find an apt word for this. Maybe scary? They mentioned that reported side effect include serious hallucination, depression, deliriousness, etc.

I quickly google it. And true, many posts popped up. One lady even described it as five day of being mad. But a few mentioned too that the medicine is very effective.

Hubby and I decided to proceed. We believe that the do won't prescribe it if it's not safe.

So, none of the above encountered, many thanks to Him. But also no significant improvement observed.

Of course, being the wishy washy me, I still think that there might be bacterial infection, on top of the viral one. So it could've been worse without tamiflu.

Kindly note, this post was written with only an experience sharing objective. From a mommy to other mommies.

Kids Clinic @ Bishan

Darling daughter recently had nasty bout of high fever (for the first time, she exceeded 40degC). It lasted for 5 days. Friends and family were very supportive, lots of prayers for the poor girl.

A few also questioned the medicine. I know they only meant well. When the fever shot up, she looked very limp and weak, I myself wonder whether I'm doing the best for her. But amazingly I had this thought, that her doc surely has given the best possible treatment.

I came to realize how much I trusted her pediatrician, Dr Oh Meng Choo. She is thorough, even with very long queue outside, accurate, and kind.

The staff are great too. Helpful and friendly.

I am still impressed with thoughtful system implemented in the one pediatrician clinic. It works. Well, not perfectly, but they are indeed efficient.

Three nights in a week, they are open at night. Great help for working mothers!

So there... To all mommies who need a good doc:
Kids Clinic @ Bishan
Blk 116 Bishan St 12
#01-28 Singapore 570116

Tel: 63568909
Fax: 63569336

http://www.kidsclinicbishan.com/

PS: For a good doc, I'm willing to wait for an hour or two. So please be prepared. To me, result worth the wait.
PS2: I am also not fond of giving a lot, various, strong medicine. Dr Oh's prescription is normally simple, rarely antibiotic unless necessary.

PS3: She also does an excellent ear piercing for kids. First creamy local anesthesia is applied on the earlobes. Then the piercing is done in swift and comforting manner. Nice!

Happy Mother's Day!!! :D

Today, Singapore, and most part of the world (check it out, for fun : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother's_Day), is celebrating Mother's Day.

My beloved sweet daughter woke up early before me, eagerly planning an elaborate treasure hunt. She wrote hints, leading to a stash of cards kept in the doll house. Later on she sheepishly admitted that the cards were taken back from a box where I keep all cards from the kids. (Of course, I recognized the cards, still. She made the cards with my guidance after all. In true reflection of my gene, she prepared the card since March)


Son? Handed duly his card on Wednesday, just outside his class. And then totally forgot about it. Boyboy... boyboy...

Brought me back to my first mother's day. At 24 years old, I remembered slightly blushing. Still not used to the idea of referring to the innocent baby as mine.

To all new mothers, welcome! Happy first mother's day... I hope this will be unforgettable for you too.


Dear hubby is away, and my daughter just recovered from 5 days of fever. I got a tiny glimpse of being a single parent. To say that I know how does it feel to be single mom is an utmost understatement.

To all single moms, happy mother's day. I admire your determination and strength.


One thing that still strikes me every now and then is a sense of wonder, of how my own Mom raised me up until now (she's still 'growing' me in some aspects up to this very minute). How old-time-mommies managed without hand-phone, is a mystery for me.

To all grandmothers, especially my Mom, happy mother's day. It's truly a special achievement to nurture a girl, a woman, until finally a mother.


(I'm keeping my fingers crossed on my daughter... God helps me that we're doing it right)


Since up to now I know no mother with a perfect-problem-free life, big or small, trivial or seemingly-impossible, here's to you:


May the problem magically, with Help from Above, solve itself. For today, no matter where you are... or how busy is life... or how difficult is the situation... Wish you a special happy mother's day. :)

Stability... consistency... focus

I kept on reminding myself of these three words. Both in work and at home.

Stability

My dear mother reminded me many times. It is east to go up. The more difficult task is to stay there. 

For home, I think kids will be happier to live in a stable environment. Not only physical wise, but also emotional wise (admittedly, am guilty of the latter). 

Consistencies

How it differs from stability?

To me, stability is situational. But consistency reflect our values and judgement. Whether it hovers around a certain mark, or to the other extreme: being unpredictable.

For child education, my hubby is a firm believer of this. He set the rule, he expects the kids to follow the rules. No matter what. Thread works well for him because our notty-but-cute offspring knows what comes if they ignore it.

Put it simply, he got little trouble with getting the kids to behave.

Last is...

Focus

In the office, I keep a little to do list. Gleefully crossing item as completed. 

This enables me to multitask, and to stay focused on task on hand. 

And, managing people wise, it will be easier if everyone shares a same focus at a time.

Then I realized... This should be done at home too. Let me figure it out how... 

[Good Brand] Learning Horizon

In a typically kiasu manner, I've dutifully gone around Singapore to search for suitable courses for my kids.

To share, my 'suitability' criteria: interesting for the kids, can be useful in near future, affordable, time slot is squeeze-able into our established routine, and the last one is added after many painful experiences. Last one is the school management.

I've come to appreciate friendly school management office.
1. Simple admission and withdrawal rules (none of those few pages of fine print, which requires you to blah-blah-blah... but only in the even of preceding blah-blah-blah...)
2. Friendly helpful staff (none of those fierce stare with crumpled eyebrows, as if you're emitting some nonsensical utterance). And clean too... (<-- hastily added, remembering a few that manned the reception desk while blowing noses, cleaning up nails, *shudder*)


(Admittedly, sometimes I do make allowances for those that doesn't fit there. But only when the lessons are outstanding, and my kid depends on it)

Here is one with outstanding service. My son actually out-grew one of their program. And after trying to find others, we quited. But we only manage to stay away for a few months. I contacted them back, asking for new  classes. So now we're in again.

It is : Learning Horizon
Located at Yio Chu Kang Grassroot Club
http://www.learninghorizon.com.sg/contactus.aspx

And not only that, you can expect quality teachers there too...

Happy learning! :)

[Through the eyes of a child] Smile to the world and the world smiles back at you

From times to times, my six year old daughter can be one grumpy girl. Not a proud thing to confess, but she is.

And she's also been blessed by the power of speech. More or less, the gift enables a certain feature which talk back, reversing logic, remembering all past ruling I've made... To put it simply, sometimes I do beg her to stop *shamefaced* Am at her mercy. (I think most humanly mother will, because this situation is normally coupled with the other kid demanding attention, and the phone rings, or the water spills... Mother knows best).


What I observe, and I told her too, is that normally if she's calm and happy, things flow smoothly for her.

Quantitative proof comes in forms of abacus homework. (Abacus is a form of calculation method using series of beads, and the homework is not for the faint hearted. Simply tons of it) Whenever she does the problems in foul mood, there will be tons of mistakes.

I think for a kid, this is a good visual proof. So our little lawyer does agree with me on my above theory.

Then recently she told me that she forced her friend to smile. (Things that they tell you after works are still fascinating at this stage)
Me : Why?
Her : Because when we smile, other people will smile back to us!

After some probing, turns out that she observed a passing lady smiled a lot, bless her, and many people smiled back at the lady.

So there you go... smile... expect the best from life and from the world... and they will smile back right at you. :)

[Through the eyes of a child] We believe what we want to believe

My three year old son looked at me, eyes shining with trying-his-luck-with-plan-B-when-this-fail vibes.
"My Daddy said I can press this button if I don't know what to press"

I looked at him, amused at his conviction, while also trying to gauge the honesty level of the claim.

If you're interested, the episode above ended with me giving in. I chose to trust him.

I imagine that a child may unconsciously rank the adults in his life. The top ranking's words are always right, a norm on which he must live his life by.

The child choose to believe based on a very simple consideration, who said it.

In compromising situation, the human mischief factor goes into the equation. The child will opt for whichever most beneficial to him/her. (Unfortunately, this kind of psychological trait often get me and hubby into a row. "Did you actually told him that he can ...???", "You should've told me first before allowing them to...")

Then I realized, I think, we too, as adults, still have that basic instinct. Only that for us, aggravated by our life experience, the selection criteria on which to believe becomes much more complex.

Morale of the above rambles for me are:
1. Since we can choose what to believe, might as well believe in positive things. We CAN shape our mindset.
2. Likewise, we CAN shape our children mindset too
        Quotes : "A child mind is like a blank paper", "Seeds are in the mind, we act what we believe"
3. Be more forgiving when they land me in trouble (e.g. with hubby) because of their choice. It's just our natural instinct.